We all want respect. Not the kind you demand from others. Not the kind you manipulate your way into receiving. But the kind that flows naturally because of who you are.
The kind that women notice without you saying a word.
So many people live a life today which screams “Please validate me.” Bending over backward to meet the expectations of others – especially women. Playing the nice guy role, saying yes to everything, suppressing their own, thinking this is how they get a slither of affection.
They get walked on, disrespected, used. Because they are allowing it, not that women are inherently cruel or dismissive because they allow it.
Respect doesn’t come from elsewhere. It starts with you and ends with you.
It’s how you carry yourself, what you allow to tolerate, where your values lie. Standing strong when they are disrespected. Because if you sacrifice your integrity for any hope of approval, you are doomed.
I remember being in my early twenties and constantly seeking validation in all the wrong places. Needy for attention, overly accommodating, and so desperate for approval that I lost myself in the process. And then there was the girl from Twitch. the one I thought would change everything. I did everything to try and win her affection.
I made myself overly available, sent double texts when she didn’t reply, and held back my opinions to avoid any chance of conflict. I thought, “If I’m just nice enough, agreeable enough, she’ll see my worth.”
Yes. I was played. She had a boyfriend the entire time. A brutal wake-up call, but in hindsight, I’m very grateful for it. Because it forced me to ask myself a hard question: If I don’t respect myself, why should anyone else?
Looking at the man in the mirror, I started to rip back the layers. I was chasing approval from women because deep down, I didn’t feel worthy of respect. My confidence was built on a house of cards, and every time I sought validation, it only reinforced the belief that I wasn’t enough as I was.
Through my own journey of inner work, the truth was clear: women respect men who respect themselves. It’s that simple… and that complex. Respect isn’t something you can fake. It’s not about being “alpha” these gurus talk about or putting on a front. It’s about how you show up in the world. It’s knowing your value so deeply that it radiates from your soul without you having to say a word.
When I started working on myself, building my confidence from the inside out rather than chasing it externally; the gears started to shift. I stopped chasing validation and started setting boundaries. I stopped bending to everyone else’s needs and started prioritizing my own. I stopped being afraid of conflict and started speaking my truth, even when it wasn’t easy.
And women noticed. They noticed the way I carried myself, the way I valued my time, and the way I stood firm in who I was. I didn’t need to prove anything because my energy did the talking for me.
I see so many men falling into the same trap I did; thinking they have to earn respect by jumping through hoops or playing a role.
So ingrain this into your brain: the way you treat yourself sets the standard for how others treat you.
If you’re constantly seeking approval, people will treat you like someone who needs their approval. But if you walk through the world with self-respect, you’ll attract people who respect you too.
There is no overnight transformation. Respect starts within.
Let me leave you with this: If you’re not getting the respect you want, ask yourself, “Am I giving it to myself first?” Because that’s where it all begins.
Much love,
Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour
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