| I’m not sure how deep into the spiritual self-development world you’ve gotten into. I definitely consider myself a person who practices spirituality. Which now, just means to me, raising my level of awareness and expanding my consciousness. But there was a time I fell into the surface-level nonsense of modern-day new age spirituality. For a while, I really tried to play the “conscious spiritual man” role. Soft voice. Gentle posture. Always saying the right thing. I convinced myself this was growth — that being less reactive, more neutral, more pleasant was a sign of maturity. But here’s what actually happened: The more I played that role… The more depressed I felt. Not because being calm or grounded is bad — But because I was filtering myself into a lifeless version of who I thought I was supposed to be. I wasn’t expressing myself. I was performing. And that version of me? Safe. Controlled. Digestible. But not alive. Because the truth is… I’m not a soft-spoken guru. I’m not here to whisper affirmations and float off on a cloud of sage and neutrality. I’m sarcastic. I’m intense. I’ve got edge. I’ve got depth. And I care — just not quietly. The more I tried to hide that… The more my life force disappeared. Here’s what I’ve come to realize: If your “healing” makes you feel smaller, it’s not healing. If your “spirituality” makes you afraid to speak your truth, it’s not spirituality. Real freedom is integration. Letting both the light and the dark live in your body. Not to suppress the chaos… but to channel it with direction and power. I’m not here to be the most agreeable guy in the room. I’m here to be the realest. And if you’ve been feeling boxed in by how you’re “supposed” to show up… There’s probably a part of you that’s ready to break out. Let it. |
| Much love, Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour |
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