Vulnerability (open to speaking my truth) has allowed me to create deeper relationships with the people in my life.

I am able to be authentic and honest around my friends, family, followers, students, women and loved ones.

The feeling feels like freedom in who I am, how I move, and how I express.

But it wasn’t always this way.

Just like you and everybody else, I was born vulnerable, expressive, and determined. As babies and young children it is how we naturally are.

Until society started putting new beliefs into you at a young age.

Just like you and everybody else, it happened to me.

“Shawn, you are not good enough.”

“Shawn, you are unlovable.”

“Shawn, your ideas are stupid.”

These stories from a young age were from

  • Bullies
  • Toxic relationships
  • Adult “authorities” I was supposed to look up to

So how did I deal with it? The best way my younger self at the time knew how… Guarded and closed off.

I feared losing relationships.

I feared rejection.

I feared failure.

I feared being laughed at, demeaned, and looking like a fool in other people’s eyes.

I avoided this fear by not being myself. I held back on who I was because it was a rejection I knew I could only control. There was a sense of comfort in that. A false sense of safety.

Here is how I finally freed myself…

1.) Feel your feelings (put the guard down)

Becoming expressive around others starts by being expressive with YOURSELF. Emotions are just like children. They’ll keep begging you for attention until you give it to them. Process them and they will flow through you.

Shoved down emotions are trapped energy in the body.

Emotions -> Energy in motion

You must allow the energy to be in motion and not stuck in you

2.) Rewrite your past

What happened in your past was real…. but the meaning you create about the past is what holds you back. In order to let go of these meanings:

  • I recognized my thoughts about the past are a choice
  • I rewrote my perspective on those circumstances

What happened in my past may not be my fault.

But it is now my responsibility to create a new perspective on them..

So I can let it go, and move on.

Same goes for you.

You may not like your past traumas and shortcomings… but YOU are the only one who can be responsible for them now.

3.) Make space for self-acceptance

I used to judge myself for the parts of me I still needed to improve on. I used to beat myself up for my insecurities, lack of social skills, and lack of certainty in expressing seduction to women. I learned the more I judge it and pressure myself to show up differently, the more critical I became.

I’d get critical of myself and others.

This criticism created a wall between being able to connect to other people, because I was creating a wall with connecting to myself.

I would get on myself hard.

What I had to learn is life is all about learning, you have to allow that, accept it, and embrace the process. There is a release in emotional and mental energy that comes with surrendering to this truth.

4.) There are no flaws

Flaws are just a belief. The idea of ‘flaws’ comes from societal conditioning. You don’t have flaws. You are perfect. You simply have thought patterns that drive behavior that are OUT of alignment with your true self.

None of it is flawed.

You can’t resist reality.

You can only accept where you are and work with that to improve.

Just do your best.

5.) You can’t do anything wrong or right

Right is a belief.

Wrong is a belief.

Right is a measurement of wrong.

Wrong is a measurement of right.

You can’t measure one belief system with another and call it a fact.

That is called bias.

Stick to what is true for YOU.

As you grow and change so will your beliefs.

As your beliefs change, so will your perspective of right and wrong.

Let go and stop being so careful of trying to do the right thing

If you’re scared of messing up, I’ll tell you this… It’s always better to f*ck up at full speed rather than hesitating.

6.) Release expectations

Expectations are binary.

Attaching to them gives your power away to your external reality.

Something external will either meet your expectation or not.

You’ll either feel disappointed or fulfilled.

Expectations gives away your ability to think and feel for yourself regardless of the outcome.

Turn that power back within.

7.) Set Intentions

Instead of expectations, you can always set intentions. Intentions always come from a place of inner power. Set an intention behind your actions so you can re-engage with your outcomes from a place of learning.

Your intentions keep you focused on showing up from a place of focusing on the process, rather than having anxiety about the outcome.

Express yourself without expectations and you won’t ever be disappointed.

The whole goal of expressing yourself is for your own personal growth and stepping into your authentic power, regardless of how people respond.

8.) Trust yourself

Trusting yourself means you will do what you say. Trusting yourself is also knowing that you can FEEL any uncomfortable emotion if an outcome you don’t like happens.

When you trust yourself, self expression becomes easy.

You build trust with your voice and how you connect to others by how you show up, not by how others respond or react

Trust you will be okay if you experience feelings of rejection, and trust that other people’s response will not always be the one you are looking for.

That’s okay, because any outcome works for you.

You either get to connect deeper with someone or the connection just isn’t compatible.

Apply these teachings in your day to day life

When you have social anxiety, sharing your truth can feel scary

But the more you practice it with these teachings in mind

It’ll become easier and a habit

It’ll be a way of life you don’t need to overly think about

It will become a part of your natural being, but you must face the discomfort of just doing it first

Much love,

Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour

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