A lot of dating advice for men (and women) nowadays will give a list of tactics, strategies, scripts, or tell you to “play it cool” by pulling back when a woman shows low interest in you.
Or the classic:
“She’s just not into you bro, move on.”
Although there is some surface level value to this, phrases like these, hold less weight nowadays. They become watered down and don’t really dive into the roots of your psyche, which drives your behavior to expand and attract. Or contract and repel. To bring in the women you are meant to be closer with, or repel the women you are meant to be closer with.
Anybody with a platform simply telling you to “just move on” isn’t going to solve anything when it comes to working on your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. Advice like this is lazy.
I am going to share with you some perspectives on attraction and how to handle “rejection”.
(Rejection is just an illusion anyways which is why I quoted it)
This won’t make you confident with only women, but also elevate your vibration and make you a confident man all around. Because at the end of the day this all comes back down to your belief systems. Your belief systems are what drives your expression. Your expression are what brings in, or pushes away the women you feel an attraction for.
Attraction is a mutual energy, a positive and negative end of two batteries are attracted to one another. Feminine and masculine energy are attracted to one another – polarities attract.
Now when it comes to women, when I say attraction, I don’t mean just physically, I don’t mean attracted to her physique, I mean attraction to her BEING.
This can’t be faked.
Both for you and her.
It must be FELT.
You must trust how you FEEL about her and then express it.
Express is through curiosity in more of who she is:
Are you attracted to her being?
Are you attracted to her figure?
Curiosity will create more clarity for you to find this out. Trust yourself with women you FEEL attracted to. When you trust yourself to pursue a connection you feel; chances are you will see that she was attracted to you as well.
What does this open up?
It opens up a new door that can PROVE to you how “rejection” is truly an illusion. It’s just incompatibility. You and her could be energetically attracted to each other, but maybe she is not ready to open herself up for love yet. Maybe she is talking to someone, maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she is dealing with career or financial stress, maybe she is focusing on her own inner growth and needs more time alone.
Who knows.
But the key shift here is this:
Challenge yourself to see her ‘no’ as incompatibility.
This perspective will help you not take dating so personally. Just like you may be afraid or have life situations that block you from moving forward with women you’re attracted to, the same goes for them too.
When you realize this… you will start to enjoy approaching, starting conversations, and meeting women. It becomes an adventure. This allows you to hold your own power and have a healthy and strong sense of self when you meet new women.
How to energetically shift from “rejection” to incompatibility:
The simple answer is “move on and don’t take it personally”. But that’s easy for me, or anyone else to tell you that. As someone who has fallen into a low vibrational state from this illusion of “rejection” countless of times… I get it. I understand it’s easier said than done.
So I want to offer you a process.
A process and perspective that can shift your experience when talking to women, but it’s up to you to practice. And if it’s tough for you to do this on your own you can team up with coach (click here to schedule a free connection call with me).
Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up:
• If you don’t get a text back
• If she tells you she has a boyfriend
• If she says she just wants to be friends
• If she is not communicating with you much and giving short answers
And other examples of what you have been conditioned to perceive as “rejection”.
Feel your emotions, sit with them. I don’t care how tough you think you are, feel that sh*t… trust me. Maybe you feel unworthy, disappointed, frustrated, inadequate, upset, angry, shame. Maybe there is another emotion.
But here me out for a moment…
There was a video I watched the other day for a study done that mentioned and sourced:
“70% of women in 2024 will flake or ghost men.”
This was specifically for men in the western world.
70%… let that sink in.
That is majority of the women you will approach or run into. Just like as men we deal with a lot of insecurities in dating, women have their own set of issues they run into. They’ve been conditioned by society to be “good girls” and avoid confrontation. They’ve trusted men in the past and gotten themselves in physical danger because of it.
Have some compassion for yourself AND collectively for what a lot of women have gone through. Just like you would want a woman to not judge you for your fear of opening up, you must do that for yourself.
AND THEN LEAD WITH THAT ENERGY when you pursue them. To take it personally, is only ruining your confidence and sense of self-worth.
So for now, just feel those feelings that come up and accept the fact that it is okay. It is okay to feel it. Feel the emotions with mindful awareness. Your feelings are not in control of you, they are just an old programming. Only you can be in control of how you perceive things, including your own emotions. They are just a programming, they are just feelings driven by old perspectives (stories) that you have taken on.
Once you become aware of the thoughts and feelings that come from rejection, practice creating a second thought.
You can write it down, you can repeat it to yourself as a mantra. you can practice it as much as you can until it becomes a subconscious habit of it’s own.
Use the neural pathways of your brain and nervous system FOR YOU, instead of AGAINST YOU.
Your mind and nervous system are tools. You can mindlessly feed them more stories that diminish your confidence and self-worth or you can begin the practice of repeatedly choosing a new reality.
Will it be hard at first? Yes, it will be. The old programming is still strong, but just like going to the gym to build muscle and lose body fat, your mind needs exercise and practice. Especially when it comes to areas of life you feel insecure about.
You deserve to feel confident.
You deserve to feel worthy.
You deserve to own your power and joyfully approach and start new conversations with any woman you feel attraction for.
But just like anything else in life…
You must do the work for it.
It will feel hard in the beginning. It’s hard to be shy and not talk to women you find attractive. It’s hard to create new belief systems and nervous system patterns to joyfully connect with women you are attracted to.
So choose your hard.
Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour
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