The moment I gave myself permission to be an asshole… was the moment I finally became a leader.
Now before your ego grabs the wheel.
I’m not talking about throwing tantrums.
I’m not talking about being reactive, loud, or emotionally immature.
That’s uncontained feminine energy disguised as power.
What I’m talking about…
Is becoming unapologetically real.
Not filtered.
Not hyper-aware of how others perceive you.
Not walking on eggshells so your “light” doesn’t trigger someone else’s shadow.
I’m talking about saying the thing that might not be “polite.”
Telling someone no and not explaining yourself.
Making the joke that might offend.
Cutting off the connection that lacks respect.
Speaking the truth that might cost you admiration but preserves your soul.
This is what self-mastery looks like.
And most people don’t get there because they’ve been trained to think:
“Being good = being liked.”
“Being powerful = being peaceful.”
“Being spiritual = being soft.”
Bullshit.
The Mentor That Taught Me What NOT to Be
Years ago, I had a mentor I deeply respected.
He taught me subconscious reprogramming, helped me break out of the matrix, and laid the foundation for a lot of the work I do today.
But at a certain point…
I needed help with relationships, conflict, and expressing myself.
And the deeper I tried to go into the human experience…
The more vague, bypassing, and floaty the guidance became.
“Just love.”
“Love has no boundaries.”
“Be patient with abusive people.”
“Everything is just energy.”
“Why do you want to get better at relationships and women?”
“Study more Gene Key/Human Design philosophies.”
I’m sitting there with real emotional pain…
Wanting to understand how to lead myself and the people around me more powerfully…
How to be connected with people and women in a healthy way…
And I kept getting spiritual riddles with no root in the real world.
And I paid thousands for that.
Let me be clear:
He’s a great man.
And I do love him.
But that phase of my journey taught me a powerful lesson:
You can’t coach a people-pleaser into more “love.”
People pleasers already love too much at the cost of themselves.
They already know how to be kind.
They already know how to hold space.
They already know how to be soft spoken and generous.
They already forgive too fast, listen too long, and abandon themselves in the name of peace.
Their kindness was never a virtue.
It was a shield they picked up after being punished for their truth.
So what do people like that need?
They need to learn how to be dangerous.
🐅 The Other Side of Love is Power
You’ve been taught to trust your “heart center.”
But if your root, sacral, and solar plexus are offline…
Your heart becomes a wounded compass pointing you toward people who mirror your lack of self-worth.
You can’t radiate true love if you don’t feel safe being primal.
You need to feel safe wanting sex.
Safe wants resources.
Safe wanting connection.
Safe saying no, walking away, cutting off what doesn’t serve you.
Safe expressing without guilt.
That’s what activates the lower chakras.
That’s what makes your “spirituality” actually usable in the real world.
Not the light.
The fire.
💥 Modern-Day Self-Defense = Solid Personality
You don’t need to carry a weapon.
You need a grounded identity.
One that can say:
- “No, that doesn’t work for me.”
- “That felt disrespectful. Don’t do that again.”
- “This is who I am. If you don’t like it, move around.”
That’s how you self-defend in 2025.
With your presence.
With your words.
With your boundaries.
Not from reactivity.
But from inner containment.
🧠 Why Most Men Stay Weak
You’re not just scared of rejection alone.
You’re scared of being attacked.
Because deep down… You still carry stories of weakness in your body.
That’s why you avoid women.
Why do you shrink in groups?
Why you numb out with TikTok, Netflix, porn, weed, or booze.
Because being fully you still feels unsafe.
And guess what?
Wild animals don’t stay in the herd when they’re sick.
They go into solitude.
Because they know connection is impossible without strength.
Humans are the same.
If you feel internally weak, you will self-isolate, whether it looks like withdrawal or “going out” while dissociating through drugs and alcohol.
⚔️ It’s Your Birthright to Express
The minute you decide:
“I will express whatever the hell I feel, and I don’t owe anyone an apology for it…”
That’s when you start to radiate real love.
Because now your love is contained.
It has an edge.
It has clarity.
It has a masculine form.
There is no “right” or “wrong.”
There’s only alignment or abandonment.
And when you stop abandoning yourself,
You become someone people feel safe around.
Because you’re not begging for connection.
You’re creating it from truth.
👑 Final Word
If you’ve been trained to keep your voice down…
To overthink your desires…
To be the “nice guy” who forgives everyone but himself…
Then brother, hear me loud and clear:
Your love is not the problem.
Your lack of primal safety is.
It’s time to reclaim it.
Your voice.
Your edge.
Your truth.
This is how we become whole men.
| Much love, Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour |
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