(But I took it back)
| Back in 2021, I first got into learning spirituality and subconscious reprogramming. My first level of awakening felt practical, grounded, and exciting. I first learned about healing and shaping my reality from bridging the gap between cognitive science with spiritual values. I learned it in a way that actually made sense. I learned to see how we create reality through consciousness, how the mind works in alignment with universal laws, and how self-awareness is everything. It was incredible—until it wasn’t. At some point, the work veered off into the clouds. I started joining more spiritual groups and on top of that my original mentor was growing into his own direction of this work. I started meeting more people in a variety of spiritual communities online and in Arizona. Everything suddenly had to come from the “heart center.” Every word, every post, every thought had to be drenched in “high vibration love energy.” And if you weren’t speaking like a healing oracle with a head tilt and a whisper? You weren’t “aligned.” You weren’t operating at a “high enough frequency.” Suddenly, my raw expression started feeling… wrong. Everything I was thinking, saying, feeling, and doing became this over analyzation of “was this the right thing?” or “Is this in alignment with my highest self?” Not because it was wrong, but because the spiritual performance around me told me it wasn’t enlightened enough. I started filtering my words. I second-guessed my directness. I felt like I had to spiritually babysit my truth to make sure it passed the “Love & Light” Litmus Test. And I watched myself shrink. You Are Not Too Harsh. You Are Whole. Here’s the trap I fell into—and maybe you have, too: 👉 Thinking spirituality means being nice, instead of being real. 👉 Believing “feminine energy” equals softness, passivity, silence. 👉 Feeling like your masculinity, your bluntness, your discernment were somehow less spiritual. 👉 Mistaking emotional restraint for inner peace. Let me be clear: There is nothing enlightened about erasing your edge. There is nothing divine about numbing your truth so you don’t make people uncomfortable in their gay little safe spaces. True spirituality includes both the fierce and the soft. The protector and the healer. The chaos and the clarity. The grounded masculine and the divine feminine—in YOU. You can swear and still be sacred. You can set boundaries and still be loving. You can walk with a sword and still carry light. Reclaiming Your Edge Without Guilt If this is hitting home for you, here are 4 ways to start owning your edge again—without apologizing to the Universe first: 1. Stop Performing Sacredness You don’t need to sound like a crystal shop to be spiritual. Say what’s real. Drop the tone policing. Speak in your voice—not in the voice you think “Source” would use on a podcast. 2. Practice “Edge Reps”Like emotional strength training. Start small:Say the hard truth.Write the raw post.Call out the BS.Let someone not like you—and stay rooted. 3. Redefine Your Masculine Not stoicism.Not dominance.Not emotional constipation. Your sacred masculine is clarity, boundary, presence, and power. Not some watered-down, guilt-wrapped shell of yourself. 4. Reclaim Spirituality On Your Terms You can meditate and rage. You can do breathwork and shadow work. You can heal without becoming a people-pleasing monk afraid to speak from the gut. Your Wholeness Is the Way Forward I’m done filtering myself to fit someone else’s idea of what “spiritual” looks like. And if you’ve ever felt the same—if you’ve lost pieces of yourself to keep up the illusion of being “high vibrational”—then this is your call to stop. You don’t need to choose between your edge and your soul. You are the sacred tension. You are the fusion. Let’s stop calling it a contradiction and start calling it wholeness. No more apologizing for being who you are. Let’s be men who hold both the light and the flame. |
| Much love, Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour |
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