I had an interesting incident at an EDM show a while back. I was reflecting on it this week and I wanted to share it to you. I went out with a new group of friends I made. We’re all dancing, enjoying ourselves when I dropped my soda water on the dance floor. Some of the water splashed on this woman and her friends’ legs. I grabbed it off the floor immediately. I smiled politely and apologized to the chicks behind me. They were a little closed off. I felt a bit embarrassed so I just whatever’d it off. I started dancing again with my pretty much empty cup. Trying to get back into my body and out of my own head. Then one of the girls from the group came over to me. Started yelling for it going all over her leg. I looked at her. I put my hand on her arm and apologized for the situation. Then turned back to the stage. Trying to get back into the vibe of the music again. She then tapped me on the shoulder. And she is yelling some words. I can’t really pick up on what she is saying. At this point I’m dissociating from the situation. I am not just embarrassed at this point, but I’m getting frustrated. What better way to cope with some random girl yelling at you then to just tune her out and look at her like she’s crazy, am I right? Well, no… I judged too soon. I looked at her and told her, “I got no f*cking idea what you are talking about, I’m not really listening to you” She kept yelling “those drinks are 12 dollars!” At this point I’m just flat out confused. I couldn’t tell what her motives were and was not in the mood to care. But deep down, I was internally freaking out. All I could hear is “12 DOLLARS! 12 DOLLARS!” She then raised her drink up I’m thinking to myself… This chick better not try to pour her drink on me… She kept yelling and I kept hearing “12 DOLLARS!” Is she talking about my drink? Her drink? WTF IS GOING ON?!?! I’m still feeling attacked and I’m completely guarded as f*ck at this point. “I don’t care, let it go already!” I sternly said back to her. She then tried to pour her drink into my almost empty cup. I’m thinking to myself, Wasn’t it already established this was soda water wtf, I don’t want alcohol in my cup. So I put my hand up and declined her. She stormed off all pissed. The group of girls now left my group of friends. One of my friends is now frustrated with me for letting the group of girls go. I am then pretty much in my own head the entire night. On Monday I’m talking to my group of friends. We are now breaking down the situation. My friend, who is extremely good at ‘the game’ with women, bluntly tells me… “BRO SHE WANTED TO TALK TO YOU! SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO YOU!” Oh. Now I feel like an idiot… My other friend looks at me and starts laughing. He immediately says, “Yo Shawn that is literally like a police officer pulling you over giving you a warning and you begging him for the speeding ticket” Everybody is laughing at this point. The guys were telling me she was testing me to see if I could still be a fun vibe regardless. Now I could use this newsletter to talk about the tests women give men. But that is a topic for another day. Because the “a-ha” moment was much more profound than passing a sh*t test… I was being closed off. I was judging her because of my past. I had a recent client mention to me about assuming the worst in women because of his past. And I really felt that. Because I have been that guy too. The thing is, if you’ve ever been: – Bullied – Betrayed – Taken advantage of Your mind will assume the worst in people. Why? To protect you from being hurt. But all this does is hurt yourself. You miss out on new connections you could’ve made. You miss out on love and connection trying to flow through you. You block it out. Why? Because God forbid if those people were like anything from your past. You’ll get hurt again. But this is no way to live. Especially if you want to make new friends and new romantic connections. You need to allow people to show themselves to you. Forgive others for the things they’ve done in the past. And most importantly forgive yourself. You are wiser now. You are stronger now. You just need to allow yourself to see that. When you can really see your untapped potential on the other side of your protection mechanisms. You start to thrive in social groups. Social anxiety goes down. You start speaking your truth and parties and social gatherings. You start saying hello to people around you. You start initiating conversations everywhere you go. You become a magnet for others to connect with you because all that emotional weight closing you off diminishes. Trust me, it’s worth the “what if?” Much love, Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour |
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