I wanted to revisit an old client of mine.

Through certain DMs and conversations recently, I feel as though this message would be beneficial for a lot of people I have spoken too from situations I’ve been hearing about.

So here we are:

I worked with Alan on leveling up his confidence – not just in dating, but across the board in his social life and business. What’s cool is how quickly things shifted for him. Within our first month together, Alan was dating an amazing woman, and his outlook on life had changed entirely.

Here’s how a breakdown of how we approached it, and spoiler alert – it’s probably the opposite of what you’d normally expect.

  1. Identify the Root Cause of Fear and Anxiety

Most coaches will tell you to “just be confident” or “put yourself out there.”

Boring.

But what if your core beliefs are sabotaging you?

Alan had some deep subconscious stuff going on that we had to address first. We got into the why behind his hesitation—why he wasn’t showing up as the guy he wanted to be.

  1. Understand Your Beliefs

When you finally recognize the beliefs that have been limiting you, it can feel like a bombshell.

That was Alan’s reaction – like, “Whoa, this is why I’ve been holding back?”

But here’s the game-changer: before you can let go of those beliefs, you have to really understand them. That’s how you create the distance you need to move forward with compassion instead of judgment.

  1. Allow, Accept, and Embrace

Alan and I worked through this together: to truly let go of limiting beliefs, you have to process them. That means allowing the feelings to come up, accepting that they’ve been part of your journey, and embracing the fact that everyone struggles.

It’s part of being human, and trust me, Alan learned this the hard way – but it made him stronger for it.

  1. Reprogram with New Beliefs

After we tackled the old beliefs, it was time to build something new. I gave Alan systems to start rewiring his mind between our calls, focusing on beliefs that aligned with his personal power and confidence.

This is where the real shift happens – when you can replace the outdated stories in your head with ones that empower you.

  1. Implementation – The Dating World

Alan decided to test his new mindset out in the dating world.

But I didn’t tell him what to do. He came up with his own plan, tapping into his inner guidance.

He decided to download Hinge, and sure enough, he connected with someone he vibed with almost immediately. This was all about him taking charge of his path.

  1. Overcoming Challenges

When you start letting go of old beliefs, life will test you – trust me, it always does.

For Alan, his first challenge came fast. He planned a date, and boom—his date canceled because of Covid.

The next week? She wasn’t even available.

Instead of retreating into frustration or insecurity, Alan leaned into his higher self.

  1. Behave as Your Highest Self

Now, this is where a lot of coaches would say, “Don’t text her—she’s wasting your time.”

But Alan didn’t roll like that. He decided to approach the situation with curiosity and compassion. He found out she wasn’t ghosting him – she was actually just insecure about her hair.

By showing kindness and authenticity, Alan stayed in alignment with who he wanted to be.

  1. Unconditional Love and Kindness Always Win

Once Alan realized what was going on, he made her feel beautiful exactly as she was. They ended up spending the weekend together, hiking, connecting, and just vibing.

This wasn’t about some “strategy” or “game”—it was about being real, and that’s why it worked.

  1. It’s Not What You Say, It’s Where It Comes From

What Alan did wasn’t special because of what he said – it was about where it came from. He wasn’t acting out of neediness or trying to prove something.

He was coming from a place of abundance, knowing that her insecurities didn’t reflect on him. And when you can approach people like that, you become magnetic.

  1. Surrender to Being Yourself

We always hear “be yourself” when it comes to confidence, but what does that actually mean?

It means being cool with where you are, trusting the process, and doing your best with what you know in the moment. That’s where real vulnerability and confidence come from.

Alan’s story is a powerful reminder that when you stop judging yourself and start embracing where you are, things shift fast.

Whether it’s dating, business, or just life in general; when you do the inner work, the outer results follow.

You become more confident, more magnetic, and start showing up as the person you know you’re meant to be. And as Alan proved, when you let go of your limiting beliefs, you start attracting the right people and opportunities without even trying.

Quick Recap:

  1. Identify the root cause of fear and anxiety
  2. Understand your beliefs
  3. Allow, accept, and embrace
  4. Reprogram with new beliefs
  5. Implement your new mindset
  6. Overcome challenges with grace
  7. Behave as your highest self
  8. Lead with unconditional love
  9. It’s not what you say, it’s where it comes from
  10. Surrender to being yourself

This work is about so much more than dating or social life. It’s about feeling confident in who you are and aligning with your true self. Because when you’re in alignment, life responds.

Trust the process.

Much love,

Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour

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