| A lot of men who struggle to date women, build friendships, or expand their social circle aren’t: • Lazy • Incapable. • Or lack strategy. They’re still living in denial about what they went through growing up. Bullying. Abuse. Betrayal. Humiliation. Public shame. So instead of dealing with it head-on, they do what men are taught to do. They push it down. They grind harder. They become “productive.” But what they don’t realize is that in the process, they also put walls around their heart. And those walls don’t just protect you from pain. They block life from coming your way. When you put walls around your heart, a few things quietly happen: You stop initiating conversations. You lose your curiosity about others. You stop sharing your story and creating vulnerability. Every interaction becomes a subconscious scan for danger. You’re no longer present. You’re protecting. And when protection becomes your default state, the world starts to feel hostile. People feel unsafe. Visibility feels risky. Connection feels draining. I get this deeply. I’ve lived it. I was falsely accused at age 20. I was cancelled by my entire hometown. I was bullied throughout my school years. I had insecure people project onto me when I was livestreaming. I was cheated on by my first love, who chose a man who physically abused her. After enough of that, my nervous system learned something simple: People aren’t safe. At a certain point, I felt exhausted just being around others. Even good people. Even well-intentioned people. Being seen at a larger scale on social media didn’t feel exciting. It felt dangerous. It felt like I was putting myself back in a position to be attacked, humiliated, or destroyed again. And here’s the hard truth: No amount of success, money, or self-improvement will fix that if you don’t face it. At some point, I had to stop pretending I was “over it.” I had to look at where I was still guarded. Where I was still armored. Where I was still hiding. And I also had to take extreme ownership of my past. Not in a self-blaming way. But in a power reclaiming way. I had to learn how to vet women properly. How to vet friendships properly. How to vet people in professional settings properly. And at the same time, I had to relearn how to give people the benefit of the doubt in the present moment. That’s the dance most men struggle with. They either become naïve and get burned. Or they become guarded and never let life touch them again. The solution isn’t more walls. It’s self-trust. When you trust yourself, you don’t need to armor up. You can be open, relaxed, playful, and value-driven. And you can also have boundaries. You let people reveal who they are over time. Some people will be complete dickheads. Others will become some of the best people you’ve ever met. But you don’t get to know which is which if you’re closed from the start. Scared of trolls? Block them. Scared of men who put you down or mock your ambitions? Stop hanging out with them. Scared of dating a woman who turns out to be unstable? Don’t see her again. It really is that simple. But it only becomes simple once you face the part of you that’s still protecting you from even showing up. Because the truth is this: A guarded man can grind. But an open man can lead. And your true masculine potential isn’t about domination or status. It’s about providing love, value, safety, and presence to the people around you. You can’t do that from behind walls. If this hits, sit with it. Don’t rush past it. And ask yourself honestly: Where am I still protecting instead of trusting myself? That answer changes everything. If you are ready to do this work. To go within yourself. To be held accountable for where you hold yourself back. To have someone guide you internally and give you practices to help you become confident in who you are. |
| Much love, Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour |
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