For a long time, I took rejection from women way too personally.
It wasn’t just about getting turned down —
It fed right into a much deeper story I carried for years:
That I wasn’t the kind of man who could experience real romantic love, connection, or mutual desire.
When I look back, I can see exactly how that story formed…
- I wasn’t the guy girls chased after in school.
- I was falsely accused of something horrible I didn’t do — sexual assault — which shattered my sense of innocence and trust.
- In my early to mid-20s, I fell deeply for a woman who ended up cheating on me… with a man who would go on to abuse her.
Those experiences made me wonder:
“Am I broken? Will I ever have the kind of love and connection other people seem to find so easily?”
But here’s the truth…
As I aged, matured, and threw myself into studying human behavior, not just as a man trying to heal, but as a confidence and cognition coach.
I started to realize:
Rejection is almost never personal.
And incompatibility is not a reflection of your worth.
Learning this changed my life.
It made me more confident, relaxed, and playful when talking to women, because I finally understood the deeper truth:
Here’s What I Learned About Women (And Why Rejection Isn’t Personal):
- They also experience Fear of Rejection
Women fear being judged, criticized, or feeling “not enough” — just like we do. - Emotional Unavailability
Many have walls up from past betrayals, heartbreaks, or even abuse. Letting someone in feels terrifying, even when they want to. - Fear of Being Vulnerable
To open up emotionally feels risky if vulnerability once led to pain. - Inexperience with Healthy Masculinity
If she’s only known inconsistent or emotionally unavailable men, a good man feels suspicious at first, not safe. - Fear of Being Objectified
She worries she’s being pursued only for her body, not her soul. - Social Conditioning (“Men Should Chase”)
Many women have been raised to believe it’s not “feminine” to initiate or show too much interest. - Current Life Stress
Work pressure, family drama, or unresolved personal battles can emotionally shut her down. - Misinterpreted Signals
Sometimes, she freezes because she isn’t even sure if you’re genuinely interested or just flirting to flirt. - Sometimes, She’s Simply Not Interested — and That’s Okay
No amount of confidence, charisma, or charm can manufacture true chemistry if it isn’t naturally there.
And if you look closely, you’ll notice a theme here:
👉 Fear-driven conditioning is often the real reason things don’t connect, not your flaws as a man.
Fear, shame, resentment, insecurity.
These subconscious programs are what cause women (and men) to block healthy connections.
It’s not just dating —
These same unconscious patterns destroy marriages, break up families, and leave good people feeling isolated in a hyper-connected world.
As Men, We’re Waking Up…
Right now, there’s a rising wave of awareness around the real emotional pain men experience —
In dating.
In relationships.
In connection.
In brotherhood.
And it’s powerful to finally acknowledge it.
But here’s the mission I’m inviting you to join me in:
Let’s not allow that awareness to close your heart.
Let’s use it as an opportunity to expand.
- To have compassion for yourself.
- To understand that just like you sometimes hold back your badass loving self out of fear —
— Women do too.
The more you see this truth, the less pressure you’ll put on yourself.
The less you expect women to show up “perfectly” to meet your needs.
And the more you’ll simply enjoy the vibe — the conversations, the moments, the flow of connection.
This is how you build confidence that is real.
This is how you live while you flirt.
This is how you thrive while you love.
Much love,
Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour
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