From false accusations to fearlessly flirting—how I rebuilt myself from the ground up.
Ten years ago, my entire world collapsed.
I was falsely accused of rape, arrested, and thrown into jail the weekend before Thanksgiving in 2014.
I had never been in a situation like this before.
It was intimidating.
I was scared for my future, sitting in that cold, gray cell, wondering if my life was over before it had really begun, at age 20.
The moment I settled into my cell, a thug-looking guy walked up, checked me up and down, and said with a smirk:
“I want to be your friend. We’re going to be great friends while you’re in here… especially because I doubt you’ll get bailed out in time for Thanksgiving.”
I remember just staring at him, my stomach dropping.
I had no idea what was coming next.
Up until that point, I was a college student pursuing my business degree, focused on building a successful future.
Now, in a matter of hours, I was stripped of everything—freedom, security, and any sense of control over my life.
I was lucky enough to get bailed out that weekend.
But the nightmare was just beginning.
Even though the case was expunged quickly, my name was already all over the news.
People I had known since childhood turned against me. I was bullied off Facebook by people I thought were my friends. Harassed at my university. Harassed in my hometown.
I received death threats on my phone. I was kicked out of my university, while that same year, they hired a Division 1 lacrosse coach who had a sexual allegation from another school.
A local drug dealer from my town even messaged me, saying, “Good luck if you ever get a job at McDonald’s one day.”
Everything I had worked for—gone.
But even in the darkness, a small light remained.
A few real friends stood by me.
They didn’t turn their backs.
They didn’t let the noise of the crowd sway them.
They reminded me that I wasn’t alone, that I was more than what people said about me. In my lowest moment, that small circle of real support became my foundation.
And eventually, I built from there.
At that moment, I could have let anger consume me. I could have embraced bitterness, blaming women, blaming the system, and closing myself off from connection forever. I could have let this story define me as a victim.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I chose the harder path. The one that demanded I face my pain instead of running from it.
How I Healed and Reclaimed My Confidence
The truth is, I wasn’t just healing from false accusations—I was healing from a shattered identity. I had to rebuild everything, from the way I saw myself to the way I interacted with the world. And that process took years of inner work, deep self-awareness, and confronting my deepest fears.
Here’s what worked for me:
1. Subconscious Reprogramming Work
My mind had been conditioned by trauma, fear, and resentment. If I didn’t change the deepest beliefs I had about myself and women, I would stay stuck. So, I dove into subconscious reprogramming—using hypnosis, cognitive reprogramming and guidance from my first mentor, journaling, and visualization to undo the damage and rewrite my internal narrative.
I trained my mind to trust again. To deserve love and connection. To stop expecting rejection and betrayal at every turn.
2. Healing and Inner Work
This wasn’t just about “moving on.”
It was about digging up all the suppressed anger, shame, and grief—and actually dealing with it.
I worked through my trauma. I sat with the emotions I wanted to escape.
I learned to forgive—not just the people who turned on me, but myself for carrying so much weight from the past.
Healing meant letting go of the need to prove anything to anyone and stepping into the truth of who I am: a man who deserves to express himself freely, without fear.
3. Exposure Therapy: Facing Rejection Head-On
After everything I went through, one of my biggest fears was being seen again.
What if people still judged me?
What if being too flirtatious, too direct, or too expressive got me in trouble again?
I refused to let fear control me. So, I forced myself into the fire.
I made it a mission to talk to women—again and again—until the fear dissolved.
I approached women in bars, clubs, coffee shops, running errands, walking my dog, social settings, and everyday life. I let myself be rejected.
I let myself be ignored. I let myself stumble through awkward interactions.
And over time, I proved to myself that I was safe. That I could express my full, confident, flirtatious, and sexual energy without it meaning anything beyond the moment itself.
Who I Am Now—And Who You Can Become
Today, at 30 years old, I’m the most confident I’ve ever been in my life. I express myself freely. I flirt without hesitation. I own my energy, my masculinity, and my presence in any room I walk into.
I could have let my past turn me into a bitter, guarded man. Instead, I turned my pain into power.
And if I could do it, so can you!
Whatever you’ve been through—whether it’s heartbreak, betrayal, rejection, or just feeling like the modern dating scene is stacked against you—you don’t have to let it define you. You don’t have to carry resentment. You don’t have to shut yourself off from connection.
You can reprogram your mind.
You can heal your wounds.
You can put yourself out there and thrive in dating and life.
The choice is yours. You can either stay stuck in the past, or you can take control and become the man you were meant to be.
I know what path I chose.
What about you?
Much love,
Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour
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