| A lot of men I coach struggle to get what they want out of life because they simply fear their own power. They’re afraid of what happens when they speak louder. When there’s fire in their voice. When they disagree. When they compete. When they want a woman. When they take up space. When they stop asking for permission. From a young age, a lot of us were taught that these traits were bad. Too loud. Too intense.Too insensitive towards other people’s feelings. Too aggressive. Too sexual. Too opinionated. Too much. So we learned to associate our natural masculine energy with shame. We took on beliefs that our bold nature that makes us feel alive is bad. And shame is a sneaky emotion. It doesn’t just say “don’t do that.” It says “if you do that, you’ll be rejected.” “If you shine too bright, you’ll be punished.” “If you own your power, you’ll be seen as a bad person. ” So men learn to play small. They learn to soften their voice. They learn to hide their competitiveness. They learn to water down their opinions. They learn to suppress their attraction to women. They learn to defer their reality to everyone else’s. Not because they want to. But because shame tells them it’s safer. Here’s what most men never confront: You don’t see your power as neutral. You see it as dangerous. And shame protects you from expressing it. That’s why you hesitate before asking the girl out. That’s why you overthink speaking your mind in groups. That’s why you keep your politics, worldview, philosophy, and lifestyle opinions to yourself. That’s why you try to sound agreeable instead of honest. You think you’re being “nice.” But what you’re really doing is hiding. A lot of self-help tells men to “think better thoughts.” To repeat affirmations. To reframe things so they feel better in the moment. It’s good, and I have loads of learning material on that practice in my community, Divine Alchemy. But focusing on your mind is simply not enough. You don’t reprogram shame by thinking differently. You reprogram shame by thinking differently first and then working on reprogramming the behavior. You talk a little louder on the phone. You speak up in a group when your opinion might be unpopular. You say “no” without explaining yourself. You hold eye contact longer. You stop shrinking your tone. You stop apologizing for your presence. Boldness is trained through perspective + action. And something interesting happens when a man starts trusting his own power. He starts trusting himself. He realizes his power isn’t evil. It isn’t destructive by default. It isn’t something that needs to be suppressed. Society didn’t label your power as “bad” because it was wrong. It labeled it as bad because it was inconvenient to others. Easier to manage men who are agreeable. Easier to control men who don’t challenge. Easier to extract labor from men who doubt themselves. Easier to shame men who don’t own their frame of reality. But at the end of the day, you make the rules for your life. Not society. Not your coworkers. Not your friends. Not women. Not your past. Only you know what’s right for you. And here’s the cost of not being bold: Your boss won’t take you seriously. Your coworkers won’t respect you. Your friends will subconsciously see you as of lower status. Women will feel it immediately when you approach them and yes, some will be rude if you come off timid. Society likes easygoing and “nice” men. But it does not respect men who play small. This doesn’t mean being an asshole. It doesn’t mean dominating conversations. It doesn’t mean forcing your will on others. It means owning your beliefs. Owning your vibe. Owning your actions. Owning your words. Owning your tone. If you’re just getting back into dating or expanding your social circle, stop obsessing over outcomes. Don’t worry so much about “getting the girl.” Don’t worry so much about making friends. Ask a better question: Am I living in my truth? Because when a man is aligned with his truth, boldness is automatic. Attraction is a byproduct. Respect follows naturally. Boldness isn’t arrogance. It’s trust. And the moment you trust your power, the world starts responding differently to you. What I love about the coaching programs I’ve run over the years, and what I love about what I am doing with the guys over in Divine Alchemy Brotherhood, is that we focus mostly on the inner qualities. Some moments call for empathy. Other moments call for firmness. And you know what? Some moments even call for both. These are the skills society never taught us in life. These are the skills that a lot of other coaches in the space overlook. Sure, I can give you scripts, strategies, and game plans on how to meet women and get laid. Sure I can tell you to write out a list of qualities that you want in friends, women, and your network. But what good is that if you aren’t even good with yourself? You’ll crumble. The thing you need to learn the most is something most of society overlooks. It’s the confidence behind the man who takes action on his life. That is what my program is dedicated to helping you learn. Confidence through your mind. Confidence in your behavior. Confidence behind the strategies we craft for you together. |
| Much love, Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour |
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