You’ve been told a lie.
Most people think confidence is something you earn by achieving big milestones.
Landing the promotion, making a lot of money, impressing others in social situations.
You know, hitting the big time in something.
A “completion” of a social approved achievement, and suddenly you will have a wave of confidence embedded deep down inside you.
You’ve been hard wired to believe winning is so vital, there is no other option.
Failure isn’t even considered.
So you target small wins (which isn’t all bad), but you never take the leap.
A small win to feel like you are getting more confident, and trusting the “big win” will come and you’ll enter your superhero arc of confidence.
But that’s all a lie.
From what I have experienced anyway:
Confidence doesn’t come from external success.
Sure, winning feels good.
It can feel really f**king good.
But if your confidence relies on external outcomes, what happens when the wins stop?
Does it just disappear?
Do you become a fraud?
The reality is, confidence is an inside job.
It’s built on how you think, how you feel about yourself, and how you respond to challenges – not on what you’ve accomplished.
My failures have resulted in higher confidence boosts than my achievements.
Read that again.
In fact, I’ll do it for you:
My failures have resulted in higher confidence boosts than my achievements.
I’ve been there chasing the achievement.
I thought they would make me feel “good enough.”
Whether it was gaining followers on Twitch, nailing a big sales pitch, or trying to impress people, I was constantly looking outside myself for validation.
And it worked … temporarily.
Deep down, I still felt like a fraud.
I was playing a role, trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be.
The real me?
Yeah, he wasn’t confident … at all.
That all changed when I learned about cognitive mastery.
Through coaching and inner work, I discovered the root of real confidence: reprogramming the stories I was telling myself.
I stopped looking for confidence outside of me and started creating it within.
Confidence isn’t about what you’ve done; it’s about what you believe you’re capable of.
If you believe you’re enough, you are (Remember The Strangest Secret?)
Real confidence comes from leaning into discomfort and overcoming challenges.
Each step forward builds unshakable trust in yourself.
And trust me, it’s more than okay to fail.
When you fail, it won’t actually bother you.
Sure, it will hurt a bit.
But afterwards you take the lessons, and you go back in more confident than you were.
Not faking, natural confidence.
In a few months time, the failure will seem like an achievement.
True confidence means you don’t need anyone else’s validation.
You know your worth, no matter what anyone else thinks.
One of my recent clients, Danny Highfill, shared this after our work together:
“Before I met Shawn, I saw all the things I didn’t like about me and tried to approach it like a trial. After I met Shawn, I now approach it as a process. I feel more comfortable in my own skin every day, taking his tips to heart and striving to become my best self.”
This is what I want for you: to break free from the myth that confidence is something you need to “achieve” and to realize it’s something you already have.
You just need the right tools to unlock it…
Much love,
Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour
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