If you are like me, you probably take growth seriously.
When I started this journey of awareness, I picked up the psychological frameworks and the foundations of self-mastery pretty quickly.
I understood that everything in our reality is a story.
I understood how people mirror our own insecurities to ourselves.
I understood how the “higher” version of myself “should” behave vs. what behavior was still being driven from conditioning.
I learned the psychological vocabulary, the different types of patterns, the subconscious work, all of it.
And I’d apply it to my own inner work so I could become more confident in who I am.
However, from this intellectual level of awareness I was doing one thing that always brought down my level of self-confidence.
What was that thing?
I wasn’t allowing myself to just be.
Everything turned into an intellectualized psychospiritual circle jerk.
Noticing a pattern.
Recognizing a pattern as “bad.”
Then intellectualizing how I thought I should be showing up instead.
This ended up creating a huge barrier between where I was and who I wanted to become.
It even made a lot of my social interactions feel inauthentic.
Because I was thinking my way into who I thought I should be rather than feeling those patterns, accepting myself in those moments, and from there making room to have realizations of my own of how to move forward.
If you are already on a path of self-awareness, I want to tell you this.
There are two forms of self-awareness:
1. Reactive awareness.
2. Mindful awareness.
Reactive awareness is when you are aware of a pattern but you still push it down, judge it, and reject that part of yourself.
Maybe you realize you are afraid of approaching women.
But you don’t fully accept that part of yourself.
You go online and consume loads of content on approaching women.
You read a bunch of dating books.
You talk it out with a friend or a therapist over and over and over again.
Maybe you are able to link your approach anxiety with a time in middle school where you asked out your crush and she laughed at you.
You hope that by linking the fear to some sort of moment from your past it will all naturally shake itself away.
But all you are doing the entire time is resisting what you are aware of.
You are aware of it, but now you are trying to escape it by consuming more information online hoping something will come your and make it all better.
But the truth is you need to accept this part of yourself.
Many people, especially men, are afraid to accept their own weaknesses because they believe if they accept them they’ll be stuck forever.
You need to be able to face the parts of yourself you do not like.
You need to be able to embrace they are still a part of you.
That’s where mindful awareness comes in.
When you are mindfully aware of the patterns you label as weaknesses.
You accept it is a part of you at this moment in time.
Key phrase here…
At this moment in time.
When you are mindfully aware of your weaknesses, you understand this is something you need to feel and work with.
You accept these parts of yourself with an open mind and an open heart.
There is no need for self-judgement because this is just a part of growing your confidence.
Part of growing your self-confidence is to accept where you are currently at and stop living in denial.
Because once you are able to do this you can actually meet yourself with where you are at and go from there.
A man who is mindfully aware of his tendencies to be afraid of approaching women will already know he is afraid.
When he knows he is afraid, he’ll feel it, and then he will move towards approaching her from a place of courage.
Courage is not a feeling.
Courage when you feel fear and take action towards what you are supposed to do.
Courage is a form of action.
I know you already want to be over “there”
Wherever “there” is for you.
Maybe it’s the confidence to approach women.
Maybe it’s the confidence to lead women on a date.
Maybe it’s the confidence to start posting content online.
Maybe it’s the confidence to start that business you’ve been fantasizing about.
We all have our own version of “there.”
But you can’t get “there” by resisting “here.”
The more you accept the fears, the insecurities, the shame, the guilt, the anger, and frustration that is already happening “here” you will understand it’s okay to have weaknesses.
When you realize it’s okay to have weaknesses, you allow yourself to be a beginner at something new.
When you allow yourself to be a beginner at something new you start to understand you are embracing the process of growth.
Sometimes that process of growth can be tough alone.
It sucks to see other people out there with a very active dating rotation of beautiful women when it’s been years since you have even kissed a girl.
It sucks to see other people building their own wealth when you are just scraping by and living paycheck by paycheck every week.
It sucks to see people putting themselves out there socially or creating content on social media while you are wishing you could be around people who see you, hear you, and embrace your ideas.
The journey of self-awareness and then using that awareness to surpass your limitations can feel difficult alone.
Much love,
Shawn “Sheshn” Heshmatpour
Recent Comments